EVERY ACTION THAT YOU TAKE ON THIS EARTH TAKES EFFORT; BUT STRUGGLE IS “EFFORT LACED WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.” THINK or FEEL when you find yourself struggling. Can you identify what negative emotions are surfacing?
You’re not new to struggling in some area of your life! Life has its struggles! We forget that we’re here on earth to learn something and Yes! We learn by struggling. As a mother of two children, I remember thinking I had to “save” my kids from pain and discomfort. I looked at my five-year old who went out into the snow to play without his mittens. I wanted to run out and give them to him. Then I realized that with the law of natural consequences, that is, when his hands got cold enough, he would come in and get them himself. He wouldn’t forget the next time! A small lesson to learn.
As adults, we have more responsibilities. They include decision making when it comes to our health, finances, lifestyle, etc. What are your views on these subjects? For instance, do you come from the notion that “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” so you find it uncomfortable having a good time with friends? Perhaps you often heard “Live for today, for tomorrow you may die,” so you spend without thinking of possible future consequences.
After you’ve read these questions, make a list of the ways you struggle. List the reasons why you struggle and, to the best of your ability, list how you were conditioned to believe in each reason why you struggled. Make an action plan for transcending your struggle.
A book I recommend is Stuart Wilde’s book entitled Life Was Never Meant To Be A Struggle!
WITH WHICH OF THESE AREAS DO YOU CHRONICALLY STRUGGLE?
- Body (Trimness, fitness, health?)
- Expressing what you feel to others? Certain people?
- Ability to handle conflicts?
- Ability to handle stress?
- Psychological issues?
- Job or career?
WHICH OF THESE REASONS WHY PEOPLE STRUGGLE APPLY TO YOU?
- Strugglers crave acceptance.
- Strugglers often have big egos.
- Strugglers feel that struggling is noble.
- Strugglers set unrealistic goals.
- Strugglers lack understanding. In what area?
- Strugglers lack stability and balance in their life.
- Strugglers lack the ability to say “no.”
- Strugglers have a hard time concentrating.
- Strugglers don’t have specific goals of what they want out of life.
- Strugglers are poor at managing their time.
- Strugglers lack concerted action in the market place/business.
The Eight Ways That You Can Dump Struggling
There’s no greater gift you can give yourself than to work on dumping the way you struggle in life. It’s a battle you have only with yourself. Struggling is a negatively conditioned belief that life is supposed to be filled with toil and pain. Struggle is a by-product of your personal imbalances. Since struggle is a programmable response, it will take some time to re-program. It begins with self-awareness as to what you struggle with and the thoughts which have led to behaviors that you have unconsciously chosen to act on. It took time for you to become programmed to behaviors that led to a life of struggle, so too, it won’t happen overnight. Pledge to enjoy the journey as you learn to transcend it! Freedom is the reward you get for weeding out struggle in your life. Focus on tossing out just one aspect of struggle at a time. Keep notes on your progress!
- OPINION: Struggle is ONLY how you feel about something. It’s only your opinion and since it is only your opinion, you can change it! For something to feel like struggle, it has to be laced with negative, fear-based emotions, such as blame, guilt, shame, judgment, procrastination, perfectionism, resentment, jealousy, or self-pity. This is a partial list.
- TIMING: “To everything there is a season…” “Timing is everything.” Perhaps the “season” for this is a bit askew. It doesn’t fit in like it used to. Perhaps the project/situation/relationship is ending but you can’t just jump ship, yet. You may need to see something through. There is a natural rhythm to all things in life. There are cycles. Just like beginning something new has a learning curve, so too, does an ending. In this case, it’s time to know how to keep replenished so as to “stay in the game” until it comes to its natural end. It’s also the time to plan for the future. How will I manage my life? After some respite, what will I engage in?
On the other hand, when beginning something new you may feel like it’s taking forever to get off the ground. Ask yourself, “Am I going too fast?” “What are my expectations? “Is the timing right?” Usually things take much longer than we expect them to. This is because we can think faster than we can act. There is also a natural flow to life. Doing things or taking on too many changes at once can lead to confusion, stress, anxiety, and so on.
- CAST OF CHARACTERS: Most people will not make suitable characters for whatever you are trying to accomplish. Many others will be too busy in their own campaigns to help you with yours and then again, some will be perfectly suitable. It is a mathematical certainty that most of the people you come in contact with in your life, you will eventually eliminate. Never be afraid to let someone go, if they are not right for you, because often that is the only way for you to make room for the right person.
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE COMMITTING TO? Did you thoroughly research the project, the move, your idea? Do you have the needed capital? Do you have the energy and wherewithal to pull it off? Is this a good time for a change in your life? Will it substantially alter your lifestyle? What are the payoffs? Consequences? The payoffs can be positive or negative. I can take a job for the short term due to financial constraints but it isn’t big in the “fulfillment factor.” How long can you keep this going? It’s like the 4 second gratification when eating the cookie but paying for it later. The consequences may not be entirely apparent. We can’t predict the future to absolute certainty. People come and go in the workforce. The people you work with in the beginning may not be there if new employees are added/subtracted or a merge between companies comes about. If it’s a relationship, how much are you willing to take on in terms of the other people in your interest’s life?
- ARE YOU UNDERTAKING SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANT OR NEED? Are you committed? Do you have the stamina? How long do you see yourself involved with this? Most of the paths that are offered to you will be totally inappropriate. Evaluate at every turn!
- ARE YOU RESISTING? To go beyond struggle to “absolute freedom” you have to let go of your old fixed beliefs and opinions and thereby change your emotions that are laced with struggle. Can you feel yourself resisting? Begin with your mindset first and then connect the resistance, if any, with where it “lands” in your body. Have you discovered unusual tension, sleeplessness, altered eating or behavioral habits? How intense are they? How frequent are they? How long do they last? Are you aware enough to know if you changed your beliefs about this person/situation that you would be more relaxed, comfortable and feel like you’re in your own skin?
- ARE YOU CONTENT WITH CONDITIONS? What feels familiar and comfortable? Because what does feel familiar and comfortable also feels safe. But what if…what you are feeling are old familiar patterns of struggle? These are so engrained in us that they are often unconscious to us. Remember the picture with the number of squares on it? If the current conditions in your life, environment, relationships, health, finances, etc., It’s a metaphor for what you don’t see in life. If current conditions in our life (environment, relationships, health, finances, etc.) don’t suit you then that’s all the proof you need to know that you must change how you think, act and feel.
Coaching is available for these and other personal and professional concerns. I offer a 30 minute consultation to see if we are a “good fit.” All information is confidential. Call or email me to set up a phone appointment. I wish the best for you in all your endeavors.
Linda McCarrin & Associates, LLC